• Greg Cheney, PhD, LMFT

How to Reconcile a Relationship After Cheating

Updated: Nov 11

You made what seems like a catastrophic mistake in your relationship. You cheated on your partner. You both are wondering if there is a future together. Is healing possible after cheating? How do you reconcile a relationship after cheating? Here are some important first steps to take to start down the road to reconciliation.

couple walking on a path next to a lake after couples therapy and marriage counseling to reconcile their relationship after cheating

Break off all communication with the person you cheated with.

It is a mistake to not completely sever all forms of communication. Reconciliation rarely occurs when this does not happen. When social or work circles include this person, this is easier said than done. Even in those circumstances it is important to set clear and firm boundaries. When this does not happen reconciliation and healing is so much more difficult. Be sure to include all social media, cell phones, email, and water cooler conversations. Avoid this mistake by severing all forms of communication. Include your partner in this process and allow them to verify if desired.


Be patient if you are the one who cheated.

It is a mistake for the offending partner to become impatient with the healing process. When someone cheats their infidelity eats away at them. The secret can become overwhelming. Guilt and the energy to continue to cover up the indiscretion mounts. Once the infidelity is out in the open this weight is often lifted off the offending partner. They are ready to get past it, but their partner is still hurt, devastated, and confused. They are not able to get past the cheating on a specific timeline. It can be helpful for the offending partner to understand the journey has only begun. It is like they led their partner out into the street and they got hit by a truck. They are there bleeding in the street, and they need their partner to come attend to their wounds. Healing takes time. Avoid this mistake by understanding the betrayed partner's experience and hurt.


Avoid discussing the granular details of what happened.

It can be a mistake to talk about the granular details of what the actual act of infidelity was like. These details can include sexual positions, perfumes/colognes, clothes, and anatomy. A strong desire to know these details is common, but these details do not seem to be helpful in the healing process. Avoid this mistake by focusing on rebuilding trust, conflict management, and healthy communication.


Seek out an expert in couples therapy and marriage counseling.

Make finding an expert in this field a top priority. It is a mistake for a couple to try to reconcile after cheating without using a couples therapist or marriage counselor. The road toward reconciliation is hard and bumpy even with regular couples therapy. Healing is even more difficult when couples try to reconcile without the expertise of a couples therapist. Couples will appreciate someone trained to help navigate through healing from infidelity. There are many dynamics to attend to for couples to experience reconciliation. Avoid this mistake by finding a therapist trained and experienced in couples therapy and marriage counseling.


Services at Valiant Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

Our desire is you get the help you need and deserve to move toward reconciling your relationship after cheating. If we can help, we would be honored to be a part of this journey with you.


We offer a variety of services in our Fuquay Varina counseling clinic. Mental health services we provide at Valiant Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling include couples & marriage counseling, online therapy, emotionally focused therapy, couples intensives, Christian marriage counseling, and couples workshops.

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